Perfectionism and Godly Priorities
Dear Sisters,
We live in a world that is anything but perfect. Yet everywhere we go "perfectionism" is thrust upon us. What do I mean? Well, just open up a decorating magazine. You will find their view of perfectionism. You won't find a home that is normal looking, one that you're familiar with because so many of your friends have one like it, rather you will see a house or apartment that is finished to perfection from top to bottom. Otherwise it wouldn't be in their magazine.
Likewise with food magazines. Colorful pictures of elegant meals from start to finish. Sometimes the recipes are as long as our arms, and if it is, you've probably never eaten anything like it before at your mother-in-law's house.
How about gardening magazines? Everything is green and in bloom, bloom, bloom. Even in the winter! There are painted bird houses in the garden with special benches that look matched to perfection. Perfectly incredible, isn't it?
Now we don't even want to go into the fashion magazines. Their idea of perfectionism changes with the wind, while most of their models could blow away with it as well. Trying to be perfectly in fashion is a useless chasing after the wind which so many of our young teenagers fall trap to, as their mothers did before them.
Then there's homeschooling. The cover of those magazines always make me feel like I must be doing something wrong. The "cover families" seem to have it all together with nary a flaw to be seen. Surely their children never struggle like mine do in math.
Likewise the crocheting and knitting magazines. Oh, the beautiful garments displayed month after month. I keep looking for one that says "beginner," but even those directions elude me. Why am I bringing this all up? Well, I think that perfectionism really paralyzes a woman.
Let me explain.
You've got your perfectionists who do everything "by the book." Their meals are perfect. Their homes are perfect. Their gardens are perfect. Their grooming is perfect. Their crafting is perfect. But have you ever lived for a time with a perfectionist? The rest of the people in the house are paralyzed by this woman. Why? For fear that they will do something to mar what she has so painstakingly put together so perfectly well. It is meant to be viewed from afar with a red velvet chain decorating "the door" so that you might glance in and nod approvingly. Their children, unfortunately, suffer the most because they can never live up to what the perfectionist demands. They often fall painstakingly short of her ideal. They feel paralyzed and wish only for a little mud and love.
We live in a world that is anything but perfect. Yet everywhere we go "perfectionism" is thrust upon us. What do I mean? Well, just open up a decorating magazine. You will find their view of perfectionism. You won't find a home that is normal looking, one that you're familiar with because so many of your friends have one like it, rather you will see a house or apartment that is finished to perfection from top to bottom. Otherwise it wouldn't be in their magazine.
Likewise with food magazines. Colorful pictures of elegant meals from start to finish. Sometimes the recipes are as long as our arms, and if it is, you've probably never eaten anything like it before at your mother-in-law's house.
How about gardening magazines? Everything is green and in bloom, bloom, bloom. Even in the winter! There are painted bird houses in the garden with special benches that look matched to perfection. Perfectly incredible, isn't it?
Now we don't even want to go into the fashion magazines. Their idea of perfectionism changes with the wind, while most of their models could blow away with it as well. Trying to be perfectly in fashion is a useless chasing after the wind which so many of our young teenagers fall trap to, as their mothers did before them.
Then there's homeschooling. The cover of those magazines always make me feel like I must be doing something wrong. The "cover families" seem to have it all together with nary a flaw to be seen. Surely their children never struggle like mine do in math.
Likewise the crocheting and knitting magazines. Oh, the beautiful garments displayed month after month. I keep looking for one that says "beginner," but even those directions elude me. Why am I bringing this all up? Well, I think that perfectionism really paralyzes a woman.
Let me explain.
You've got your perfectionists who do everything "by the book." Their meals are perfect. Their homes are perfect. Their gardens are perfect. Their grooming is perfect. Their crafting is perfect. But have you ever lived for a time with a perfectionist? The rest of the people in the house are paralyzed by this woman. Why? For fear that they will do something to mar what she has so painstakingly put together so perfectly well. It is meant to be viewed from afar with a red velvet chain decorating "the door" so that you might glance in and nod approvingly. Their children, unfortunately, suffer the most because they can never live up to what the perfectionist demands. They often fall painstakingly short of her ideal. They feel paralyzed and wish only for a little mud and love.
Not only that. But the perfectionist herself is paralyzed too. Why? Because if it's not going to be
perfect, she's not going to do it. And if she is going to do it, then it's got to be perfect. By the
book. So everyone around her has to toe the line and do it right or there's going to be a price to
pay. The price is a heavy one often heard quite audibly.
But here's the interesting thing. "Wanna-be Perfectionists" are also paralyzed. They're the ones who look longingly at the perfectionists and say things like, "Oh, I'm not creative like she is," and "We don't have the money to spend like they do," and "She doesn't have small children like me." So unlike the perfectionist, they do the opposite. They do nothing and procrastinate their life away. So many things they want to learn and try, but instead they "armchair quarterback" the perfect women in their life which gives them their needed excuses for not budging an inch.
You see...perfectionism paralyzes.
I came to realize this some time ago. I fell into the "Wanna-Be Perfectionists" class. I can't tell you how much time I wasted by saying things like, "I'm just not good at that," or "My gift isn't in that area," and, of course, the infamous, "I'm just not very creative."
Well, as I studied the Proverbs 31 woman over the years, I began to realize that this passage does not describe a Perfectionist nor a Wanna-Be Perfectionist. Rather this passage describes a woman who is willing to learn. But not only that, she is also a woman willing to put into practice what she has learned. She is found in the middle of both extremes. Not so perfect that you can't reach out to her for "she speaks with wisdom and on her lips is the law of kindness"; and not so much of a Wanna-Be that she procrastinates to the point of "domestic poverty."
"In all labor there is profit, but idle chatter leads only to poverty." Proverbs 14:23
So many things that I have wanted to try over the years, yet I found myself not doing them because I was so sure of failure. Take gardening, for example. I was so sure I did not have a green thumb, so what was the use. "I couldn't even keep a houseplant alive", I was often stating. Then the LORD sent a friend over. She had some herb plants from her garden for me. We went out to the barren dirt outside my kitchen window. She dug a hole. She put the plant in and tapped it with her foot. The plant was lying kind of flat and droopy. I asked her if this was normal. She nodded. Then she said I could water it if I wanted to.
"That's it?" I asked.
She nodded. Oh, and she mentioned that if it died I wouldn't want it in my garden anyway. I did water that plant every now and then, and it grew into a beautiful curry plant which still resides in my herb garden some seven years later. I also still water it a little every now and then. Another thing she told me. If you work fifteen minutes in your garden, "You've worked in your garden." I nodded. Some areas take only a quick fifteen minutes to weed and keep up. Just give yourself fifteen minutes a day and you'll see a difference in your garden. I nodded again. She was right. I also learned to do this "fifteen minute" upkeep in so many other areas in my home.
I can't tell you how much I love my garden. It might not look like much to some, but to me it is one of the most peaceful spots on earth. It will never be photographed for a gardening magazine, but I know the LORD started this special place for me with the help of my friend. And my friend It's not being afraid to try. It's delighting in learning what He has to teach you. It's asking Him to bless your hands and make them skillful for His glory and for your husband's strength.
But here's the interesting thing. "Wanna-be Perfectionists" are also paralyzed. They're the ones who look longingly at the perfectionists and say things like, "Oh, I'm not creative like she is," and "We don't have the money to spend like they do," and "She doesn't have small children like me." So unlike the perfectionist, they do the opposite. They do nothing and procrastinate their life away. So many things they want to learn and try, but instead they "armchair quarterback" the perfect women in their life which gives them their needed excuses for not budging an inch.
You see...perfectionism paralyzes.
I came to realize this some time ago. I fell into the "Wanna-Be Perfectionists" class. I can't tell you how much time I wasted by saying things like, "I'm just not good at that," or "My gift isn't in that area," and, of course, the infamous, "I'm just not very creative."
Well, as I studied the Proverbs 31 woman over the years, I began to realize that this passage does not describe a Perfectionist nor a Wanna-Be Perfectionist. Rather this passage describes a woman who is willing to learn. But not only that, she is also a woman willing to put into practice what she has learned. She is found in the middle of both extremes. Not so perfect that you can't reach out to her for "she speaks with wisdom and on her lips is the law of kindness"; and not so much of a Wanna-Be that she procrastinates to the point of "domestic poverty."
"In all labor there is profit, but idle chatter leads only to poverty." Proverbs 14:23
So many things that I have wanted to try over the years, yet I found myself not doing them because I was so sure of failure. Take gardening, for example. I was so sure I did not have a green thumb, so what was the use. "I couldn't even keep a houseplant alive", I was often stating. Then the LORD sent a friend over. She had some herb plants from her garden for me. We went out to the barren dirt outside my kitchen window. She dug a hole. She put the plant in and tapped it with her foot. The plant was lying kind of flat and droopy. I asked her if this was normal. She nodded. Then she said I could water it if I wanted to.
was not a perfectionist. Nor a Wanna-Be. She was a woman who was willing to learn and willing
to practice what she learned. I am so glad she taught me, too. For if it was not for her, I would
not have the garden that I have now.
Here's what I've been learning over the years. Don't worry about being perfect. It's a useless chasing after the wind. For perfectionism in decorating (notice that we don't have too many orange carpets in waiting rooms these days), preparing of food (notice that we don't have too many fondue pots going these days), gardening, fashion (notice that we don't have men wearing suspenders on their socks these days), homeschooling, and creative arts are time consuming, can be very expensive to the point of going into deep debt, and leave one never satisfied.
On the other hand, wanting to be like the perfectionist is also a useless chasing after the wind. For procrastination is a "folding of the hands which leads to poverty". A poverty many of us realize especially in our domestic roles.
So here's what I've been learning to do. I pray for godly balance in my life. I'm not trying to be perfect anymore. And I'm not procrastinating anymore either. I realize that I've got to dig in and try. Yes, I will fail. So many things take time to learn and you have to fail along the way in order to learn. But God will show me the way. Some things only take fifteen minutes a day, yet something is being created which would have otherwise been all but a wishful thought. It might have "holes" in it, and it might not come out quite right. But each time I try, it gets a little bit better and a little bit easier.
Here are some of the things I've been learning to practice over the years:
Cooking - Art doesn't throw up anymore and I've even given cooking lessons. ~Smile~
Sewing - I've made Abbie two dresses that she actually wore to church.
Gardening - My garden even has a small path in it now with a little "welcome" sign.
Speaking - I can speak now without feeling like I am going to be sick.
Knitting - I made two baby sweaters that didn't fall apart until after the baby pictures! Crocheting - I am still making that blanket for my mother-in-law and my kids like it. Homeschooling - My kids can read and write! Especially God's Word. I'm so thankful. Haircutting - Art told me last night that my haircuts are getting better! Yes!
Photography - It was slow going at first, but I think I can shoot Quincy's senior pictures.
Writing - It is a true blessing to share with you all what God has so graciously given me.
Cake Decorating - My kids can recognize a little better what the cake is supposed to be.
Fashion - Not much emphasis here now. More on godly elegance on a budget.
Home Decor - I got a lot of comments on my purple hallway, but the stenciling tied it in.
Health - A fascinating study that is so profitable for my family. I continue to learn and do.
Home Management - Organization saves a lot of time and frustration. I want to change. Finances - This is an area I keep learning, which includes frugality in many of the above.
"She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27
Idleness is procrastination to the point of domestic poverty.
"It is better to live on the corner of a roof, than with an angry and contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9
Perfectionism can drive everyone to the corner of the roof.
So what is the answer? Godly priorities. It's not being afraid to try. It's delighting in learning what Godly balance. Godly pace.
Here's what I've been learning over the years. Don't worry about being perfect. It's a useless chasing after the wind. For perfectionism in decorating (notice that we don't have too many orange carpets in waiting rooms these days), preparing of food (notice that we don't have too many fondue pots going these days), gardening, fashion (notice that we don't have men wearing suspenders on their socks these days), homeschooling, and creative arts are time consuming, can be very expensive to the point of going into deep debt, and leave one never satisfied.
On the other hand, wanting to be like the perfectionist is also a useless chasing after the wind. For procrastination is a "folding of the hands which leads to poverty". A poverty many of us realize especially in our domestic roles.
So here's what I've been learning to do. I pray for godly balance in my life. I'm not trying to be perfect anymore. And I'm not procrastinating anymore either. I realize that I've got to dig in and try. Yes, I will fail. So many things take time to learn and you have to fail along the way in order to learn. But God will show me the way. Some things only take fifteen minutes a day, yet something is being created which would have otherwise been all but a wishful thought. It might have "holes" in it, and it might not come out quite right. But each time I try, it gets a little bit better and a little bit easier.
Here are some of the things I've been learning to practice over the years:
Cooking - Art doesn't throw up anymore and I've even given cooking lessons. ~Smile~
Sewing - I've made Abbie two dresses that she actually wore to church.
Gardening - My garden even has a small path in it now with a little "welcome" sign.
Speaking - I can speak now without feeling like I am going to be sick.
Knitting - I made two baby sweaters that didn't fall apart until after the baby pictures! Crocheting - I am still making that blanket for my mother-in-law and my kids like it. Homeschooling - My kids can read and write! Especially God's Word. I'm so thankful. Haircutting - Art told me last night that my haircuts are getting better! Yes!
Photography - It was slow going at first, but I think I can shoot Quincy's senior pictures.
Writing - It is a true blessing to share with you all what God has so graciously given me.
Cake Decorating - My kids can recognize a little better what the cake is supposed to be.
Fashion - Not much emphasis here now. More on godly elegance on a budget.
Home Decor - I got a lot of comments on my purple hallway, but the stenciling tied it in.
Health - A fascinating study that is so profitable for my family. I continue to learn and do.
Home Management - Organization saves a lot of time and frustration. I want to change. Finances - This is an area I keep learning, which includes frugality in many of the above.
"She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness." Proverbs 31:27
Idleness is procrastination to the point of domestic poverty.
"It is better to live on the corner of a roof, than with an angry and contentious woman." Proverbs 21:9
Perfectionism can drive everyone to the corner of the roof.
So what is the answer? Godly priorities. It's not being afraid to try. It's delighting in learning what Godly balance. Godly pace.
She nodded. Oh, and she mentioned that if it died I wouldn't want it in my garden anyway. I did water that plant every now and then, and it grew into a beautiful curry plant which still resides in my herb garden some seven years later. I also still water it a little every now and then. Another thing she told me. If you work fifteen minutes in your garden, "You've worked in your garden." I nodded. Some areas take only a quick fifteen minutes to weed and keep up. Just give yourself fifteen minutes a day and you'll see a difference in your garden. I nodded again. She was right. I also learned to do this "fifteen minute" upkeep in so many other areas in my home.
I can't tell you how much I love my garden. It might not look like much to some, but to me it is one of the most peaceful spots on earth. It will never be photographed for a gardening magazine, but I know the LORD started this special place for me with the help of my friend. And my friend It's not being afraid to try. It's delighting in learning what He has to teach you. It's asking Him to bless your hands and make them skillful for His glory and for your husband's strength.
It won't happen overnight. That's what a lifetime is for.
It's not about not being a Martha. I feel so sorry for her. She has sure taken a lot of rebuke down through the years. Her priorities were a little out of whack, which affected her balance, which in turn affected her pace. (One can always tell when that happens because that's when we complain about those closest to us and are worried to the point of panic about everything we just have to do! Right now!) Much like me time and time again. But I'm learning. Oh, now I am learning. And I have one of the greatest Teachers. How thankful I am to my Savior, the LORD Jesus Christ. I want to be perfect as He is. And that is definitely a woman totally in love with God her Father, and a woman who realizes His great love flowing through her to others. Especially those closest to her.
All His for His purposes and His glory.
She's called, "His Maidservant", "His Daughter", "His Glorious Bride".
Now that is true perfectionism.
May God do His miracle work through even me. Even me.
Love,
Laine
It's not about not being a Martha. I feel so sorry for her. She has sure taken a lot of rebuke down through the years. Her priorities were a little out of whack, which affected her balance, which in turn affected her pace. (One can always tell when that happens because that's when we complain about those closest to us and are worried to the point of panic about everything we just have to do! Right now!) Much like me time and time again. But I'm learning. Oh, now I am learning. And I have one of the greatest Teachers. How thankful I am to my Savior, the LORD Jesus Christ. I want to be perfect as He is. And that is definitely a woman totally in love with God her Father, and a woman who realizes His great love flowing through her to others. Especially those closest to her.
All His for His purposes and His glory.
She's called, "His Maidservant", "His Daughter", "His Glorious Bride".
Now that is true perfectionism.
May God do His miracle work through even me. Even me.
Love,
Laine
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