When Your Husband is “Mean Dad”
Dear Ronda,
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the LORD." Colossians 3:18
Oh, I hope I am not going too fast for you. Do you have any questions? Is there anything I am not covering that you would like me to? Is there anything that you disagree with that perhaps we could discuss? I just learned so much from the post that someone sent in to the Titus 2 Journal with Elizabeth Elliott's article on dressing more feminine. I am constantly learning, Ronda. Oh, how I am constantly learning.
What I have learned concerning my husband, in relation to my children, is that I can make him their hero by my words. Sometimes they will not understand him when he seems so strong on some thing that they find so insignificant. But I know my husband better than they know him. So I am able to explain their dad to them. I am able to teach my children how to better deal with their dad, and how to answer him with respect. My husband, likewise, with me.
Tonight my husband took my older boys to Christian Skate Night at our local rink. And he used his allowance to take them out, as well as one of their friends. I pulled each of my boys aside and reminded them how hard their dad had worked all day, but he so wanted them to have some great summer memories and was taking them out. Each one went over and kissed their dad and thanked him. He's their hero tonight.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get on their case for not properly doing some task he asked them to do. My husband likes things done correctly and expediently. So there might be some tears down the road. I will remind them of this skate night and how much their dad loves them. Enough to make sure they discipline themselves to do a job right and on time.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get upset over their messy bedroom. I will remind my husband that there are two boys in that room. One of them is only four and makes most of the mess. I will get my boys on cleaning their room before I sense a major battle about to take place. I will remind them that their dad loves them enough to make sure they discipline themselves to keep their room clean. I will remind them that their dad never had a bedroom of his own growing up and had to sleep on the floor of the living room.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might come home and he will be very hot, very hungry, and very tired. The summer sun will zap all his energy. We will all encourage him to get in the shower, eat dinner, and lay down for a nap in his recliner in the kitchen.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get frustrated if they complain about something. I will remind my children that he grew up in a poor area and that they have so much more than he ever had. That he sees to it that they have more opportunities than he ever had. And that is why he cannot abide their complaining.
Tomorrow or the next day, I know I will have to interpret their father to them. Just like when older Christians had to interpret God my Father to me. I simply had the wrong impression of Him. Sometimes my children have the wrong impression of their father. One of the sweetest times I remember was when my husband lay beside me in bed and asked if he should go and talk to our ten year old crying in his room over some misunderstanding between them. After I said yes, I could hear them praying.
My husband is trying to be the best father he can to his children. He cares deeply about their future and foresees their present behavior entwined with their ability to take care of their families later on. I see only their present behavior. He can see beyond what I can, so he steers them differently than I would. That is why he is so needed. That is why he is so strong on them in some areas. Especially the work ethic. He builds strength in them where I never could.
So I continue to interpret my husband to my children. Do you remember my story to you about my daughter leaving the water on all night in the pond and all our fish dying? That was one of those occasions when I was doing a lot of interpreting! My husband was mad as a hornet. I explained to him that Abbie would never intentionally hurt any of our fish. She was only seven and was doing her best to help. I told him that Josh McDowell says to do something really neat with your kids after they've really blown it, rather than the other way around. Josh says so often we take them out when they've done something great; when they need to be taken out is when they've done something really wrong. So I told my husband that I needed to really give Abbie a great day out with me after the fish had all died. He agreed. And that day I took her for tea (remember?), and then we went thrift shopping to buy her a dress-up outfit, and lastly over to the fancy candy store to buy a chocolate. Oh, we had a grand time. We talked about her dad getting upset with her over the fish. And I did a bit of interpreting. At the end of the day she was twirling about in her new dress-ups for dad; and he was telling her they'd buy some new fish for the pond together the next week. (They have.)
Much love,
Laine
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the LORD." Colossians 3:18
Oh, I hope I am not going too fast for you. Do you have any questions? Is there anything I am not covering that you would like me to? Is there anything that you disagree with that perhaps we could discuss? I just learned so much from the post that someone sent in to the Titus 2 Journal with Elizabeth Elliott's article on dressing more feminine. I am constantly learning, Ronda. Oh, how I am constantly learning.
What I have learned concerning my husband, in relation to my children, is that I can make him their hero by my words. Sometimes they will not understand him when he seems so strong on some thing that they find so insignificant. But I know my husband better than they know him. So I am able to explain their dad to them. I am able to teach my children how to better deal with their dad, and how to answer him with respect. My husband, likewise, with me.
Tonight my husband took my older boys to Christian Skate Night at our local rink. And he used his allowance to take them out, as well as one of their friends. I pulled each of my boys aside and reminded them how hard their dad had worked all day, but he so wanted them to have some great summer memories and was taking them out. Each one went over and kissed their dad and thanked him. He's their hero tonight.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get on their case for not properly doing some task he asked them to do. My husband likes things done correctly and expediently. So there might be some tears down the road. I will remind them of this skate night and how much their dad loves them. Enough to make sure they discipline themselves to do a job right and on time.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get upset over their messy bedroom. I will remind my husband that there are two boys in that room. One of them is only four and makes most of the mess. I will get my boys on cleaning their room before I sense a major battle about to take place. I will remind them that their dad loves them enough to make sure they discipline themselves to keep their room clean. I will remind them that their dad never had a bedroom of his own growing up and had to sleep on the floor of the living room.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might come home and he will be very hot, very hungry, and very tired. The summer sun will zap all his energy. We will all encourage him to get in the shower, eat dinner, and lay down for a nap in his recliner in the kitchen.
Tomorrow or the next day, he might get frustrated if they complain about something. I will remind my children that he grew up in a poor area and that they have so much more than he ever had. That he sees to it that they have more opportunities than he ever had. And that is why he cannot abide their complaining.
Tomorrow or the next day, I know I will have to interpret their father to them. Just like when older Christians had to interpret God my Father to me. I simply had the wrong impression of Him. Sometimes my children have the wrong impression of their father. One of the sweetest times I remember was when my husband lay beside me in bed and asked if he should go and talk to our ten year old crying in his room over some misunderstanding between them. After I said yes, I could hear them praying.
My husband is trying to be the best father he can to his children. He cares deeply about their future and foresees their present behavior entwined with their ability to take care of their families later on. I see only their present behavior. He can see beyond what I can, so he steers them differently than I would. That is why he is so needed. That is why he is so strong on them in some areas. Especially the work ethic. He builds strength in them where I never could.
So I continue to interpret my husband to my children. Do you remember my story to you about my daughter leaving the water on all night in the pond and all our fish dying? That was one of those occasions when I was doing a lot of interpreting! My husband was mad as a hornet. I explained to him that Abbie would never intentionally hurt any of our fish. She was only seven and was doing her best to help. I told him that Josh McDowell says to do something really neat with your kids after they've really blown it, rather than the other way around. Josh says so often we take them out when they've done something great; when they need to be taken out is when they've done something really wrong. So I told my husband that I needed to really give Abbie a great day out with me after the fish had all died. He agreed. And that day I took her for tea (remember?), and then we went thrift shopping to buy her a dress-up outfit, and lastly over to the fancy candy store to buy a chocolate. Oh, we had a grand time. We talked about her dad getting upset with her over the fish. And I did a bit of interpreting. At the end of the day she was twirling about in her new dress-ups for dad; and he was telling her they'd buy some new fish for the pond together the next week. (They have.)
Much love,
Laine
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