Religion VS Relationship

There is nothing like the love of God. I cannot get over it. I hope I never get over it. His love is more awesome than I could ever describe. You know what? I remember when I thought God was out to punish me. You see, I was raised in a religion. A religion is consistently trying to please God through action after action. Well, basically, it is The Law. The only problem is one is never quite sure when they've done enough to please God and if indeed He is adequately satisfied. They feel they deserve his punishment rather than His love. Another person in the religion has differing opinions as to what will really please God, so there is quite a bit of confusion among the religious followers. Now wait a minute. Doesn't that describe the Pharisees and the religious leaders during the time of Christ? How thankful I am that God pulled me out of a religion and into a love relationship with Him.

I will never forget when I went to a Christian camp as a young child. My mom sent me there because my dad and her were divorcing, and I was struggling with all of it. I was only 10 years old, but what I learned those two weeks absolutely changed my life. I had heard of Jesus, but not in my wildest imagination did I think He wanted a personal relationship with me. I had seen pictures of Him dying on the cross. But I had no idea that He really did that for me. I had no idea that all my sins, past, present, and future were wiped clean the moment I gave my life to Him in faith and repentance. The moment I said, "I do."

I do what? I do believe.

"Jesus stood and cried out, ' If any man is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water.' " John 7:37-38

The last night of the camp I was around a fireplace singing worship songs with the group when I began crying. I tried so hard not to cry in front of everyone. It was embarrassing. So I got up and went outside to try to pull myself together. My counselor followed me out. (Praise God for His perceptive women, yes!) She asked me if I would like to ask Jesus into my heart. I nodded, "Yes." We prayed there and I went home a new creation in Christ Jesus. My home life was the same, but I was not. I was truly a new creation in Christ.

So what happened all these years? Well, my parents got miraculously back together a couple of years later. Our family started to follow God. I went to church, youth group, and Sunday school every week. I loved going to youth camp every year. If someone asked me if I was a Christian, I knew the answer... "Yes." Then why did I have so many self- doubts and condemning thoughts toward myself over the years? Why did I feel as though I should be doing more for the LORD, but instead always seemed to feel so guilty? Was it the religion that I was raised in in my formative years? Was it the trouble in my childhood between my parents? Well, I could blame that. But it wouldn't be true.

The truth of the matter was that although I was a child of God, I was not spending any intimate time alone with Him. So everything I was learning at church was vital and important, but there was still something missing from my life. It was the Word of God. It was hearing His Voice every day personally speaking to me in great love. I had a famine going on in my life for want of the Word of God. It was not until I began to get alone with Jesus every day, and make His Word my own, that I began to know what it truly meant to be a Christian.

Jesus said, "If you abide in My Word, then you are truly disciples of Mine, and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." John 8:31-32

When the veil was torn in two that gospel afternoon, the lap of God our Father was freely opened up. I climb up into that lap every morning and lean against Him in pure love. I am learning the Truth, and the Truth is making me free. There is no One like our God.

"If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:36

I remember when I was struggling with the concept of intimacy with God my Father. Of course, it stemmed from my totally wrong perceptions of Him. His Word is the true revelation of Himself. The more I immersed myself in His Word, the more I learned to lean against His Great Love. You see, Jesus says,

"When you have seen Me, you have seen the Father." And "No one can come to the Father, but through Me."

Let me explain it this way. Suppose I was married to Franklin Graham, the son of Billy Graham. Franklin kept telling me that I could call on his father any time and that his father really loved me and wanted a relationship with me. Why would that be possible? Because I was Franklin's wife, taken into his family through Franklin's love and his name. I now had full access to the love of Billy Graham.

But supposing I didn't believe it. I kept saying, "Oh, no, I can't call on him. He wouldn't want to see me. He's busy. I just have to accept the fact that I can't bother him or get to know him. I don't want to take our children over there. He wouldn't be interested. He's got too much to do. And I'm so very busy myself." So I stay away from him day after day after day until years and years have gone by. Well, I just robbed myself and my children of knowing the love of Billy Graham. I have no one to blame but myself. Why? Because of my unbelief in my husband's words which reflected his father's words as to my position in their family. A family that is now mine, whether I choose to avail myself of all its fullness or not.

Wow, when this light bulb went off in my head, I realized just what I had been missing over the years. For one, I was part of the Bride of Christ. Jesus had bought me with His Blood. I was totally taken in to be a part of His Family. He told me that I have total access to the Father through Him. I can call on my Father any time. He loves me so much and my children. I can either believe it and meet with Him every day, or I can rob myself of His love. I have gone from doubting disbelief to glorious belief! And my Father has changed my life, my husband's life, and the lives of my children more than I can say.

I will tell you though that it took forgiveness for me to climb into my Father's lap. Who did I have to forgive? Myself. That is probably the hardest person in the world to forgive. Oneself. I had to stop beating myself up over my loss of intimacy years with Him, and all the pain and sin of complacency that goes along with that lack of intimacy. I had to finally lay it at the cross and walk away from it forever. Forever covered in Christ. Forever healed by His Name. The Name that says,

"If you abide in Me, and My Words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you." John 15:7

I believe! I believe!

I ask that I might fall in love with God my Father and wash His Son's Feet with my life.

Love,

Laine